I WON THE LOTTERY! No, make that: I AM THE JACKPOT…

A summer in the mountains, a walk on the water, A climb from the valley to the peak, to the flowing river. And a Brave little stray kitten who showed me the way.

This video is dedicated to a little cat named RIVER, with the cerulean blue eyes.

The stray who helped me release my fears, break my chains, drop my weights and cross the threshold, no longer carried by the river but one with the Flow of the River

The game of life is like playing the lottery, until you wake up and realize you are the Jack pot.

Everyday most of us wake up and choose some lottery numbers, often the quick pick version. These numbers are the “state of mind” we repeatedly and absentmindedly play each day. We play the same scenarios continually. Of course, this is an analogy for how we are on auto pilot most days, doing the same thing without noticing the patterns, or the possibility that we could change our lives if we became present and aware of the stories we are deciding are real. Never examining what choices are there for the taking, we stay in holding patterns, digging deep ruts. We rarely question our true potential; we accept our lot in life.

We are stuck in our conditioning, who can blame us, they’ve been hammering into us who we are and writing our story since the day we were born, and we never question it, instead we allow these beliefs about who we are to build a self image. That self image is pushed out, and it always comes back as a reflection reinforcing the concept of who one is, as truth.

I haven’t been on-line… I mean substack since April, that was the last time I posted. I took a long walk this summer, (last summer it was a train ride, https://karafree.substack.com/p/this-summer-i-took-a-ride-on-a-train) through the corridors of my own mind. I watched my own life, I observed how reality was reflected back to me according to my own self story, my own narrative about the world and who I am in it.

I also had some very real adventures up in the mountains, through the valleys, I spent hours playing and contemplating along the banks of flowing rivers. I came out a new person, The differences began appearing in my life as confirmation.

I began to see why the river called to me, why the mountains were my muse, why the rocky and slippery ascents were not obstacles or struggles but inner strength, overcoming challenge, perseverance in discovering my abilities/capabilities, exhilarating desire for experience, these adventures were building me, creating a new me, revealing my true nature. The mountain was the activation and the river was the release. I am no longer just the painter of the river, I forged the bridge of knowing between my soul and the river.

A painting I finally completed this summer.

When I arrived home from the mountains, and the lazy but enlightening days on the river, I was greeted in my drive by a little stray cat. He was about 7 or 8 months old and he was the bravest little stray cat I had ever met. He came right up to me, weaving crazy 8’s between my feet, he meowed and looked at me with the most beautiful cerulean, blue eyes, that I was taken immediately back to the river.

I called him River.

River decided to set up camp in my yard. For two long months I was treated to his sweet mewing, and his dreamy blue eyes. He was there at the crack of dawn, delighted to see me, truth be told it was me who was delighted to see him. River lived fearlessly, he began protecting my other cat from feisty strays who would often pad through the yard. When I fed them, River waited patiently for his bowl and never touched my other cat’s food. He didn’t eat until he politely thanked me by seeking out pets, and purring. I tried walking away so he would eat, but he always jumped down from his perch and chased after me, preferring my touch, to the meal that awaited him. He often would not eat until I went inside and shut the door.

Over our two months together, he rarely left my yard, he would prance out from under a bush the minute he heard me come out the door. He liked following me about, wanting to play, dashing up to me only to zip in another direction and run away.

I came to love River.

One day I noticed the left side of his head was swollen, that’s when I saw the puncture wound. It was the weekend so I couldn’t take him to a vet. He was very quiet that weekend and spent most of his time curled up in the soft bed I had made for him inside a box. When Monday came I took him to the vet where he was treated for the injury and infection. It wasn’t long before the little guy was back to his playful and confident self. The World was his oyster, he was loving life again.

I started to see River as symbolism for my own awakening on the river this summer. I admired his free spirit, his gratitude, his curiosity. He watched me closely, along with the birds on the feeder, and my dogs who would come to the door and bark at him, he sat there unruffled, licking his paws, even laying down and frolicking on the drive. He would trot right into my house if I left the door ajar, walk around checking everything out…but he never wanted to stay inside long. He liked his freedom, inside behind shut doors was not for my little Flowing River.

On the last night I was with River, he was more playful then usual, As I sat next to him he would roll around next to me, coming close, and reaching out with his little paws to pat me. His bright blue eyes would look to me, he appeared so content, at peace. We sat in the grass as the sun set. He reached out to me one last time and in that moment I wanted to scoop him up and bring him inside. But something kept me from doing this. River would not have wanted me to bring him in, he did not want my protection, only our connection…

When I replay that last night—River was healed, joyful, rolling, reaching out—
My care giving for him was complete. Like the RIVER, it was not my place to keep him bound, but to carry him, allowing him to flow on his own.

He showed me wholeness before his leaving.
He did not leave as the needy stray.
He left as the river itself: flowing, free, coherent.

---

River came not to stay,
but to remind me of what never leaves.
He was the tributary
to my river.
And though his form has dissolved,
he has sanctuary in my heart

My grief is not weakness
It is the last ripple of his teaching.
Let it flow. Like the River.

For within me flows the presence of River—the cerulean-eyed messenger who came not to stay, but to remind.

He showed me that love is not fragile, nor bound by endings.
He showed me that care giving is not sacrifice, but sanctuary.
He showed me that I am not the door others walk through and leave behind—
I am the river itself, holding wholeness without needing to mend what was never broken.

His life was brief, but his gift was vast.
Through him, I remembered that trauma is not truth, and suffering is not sacred.
Through him, I vowed to walk only in wholeness, to flow only in joy, to see every being not as wounded, but as complete.

This life is not a lottery, it is not a game of chance, The jack pot is within us all, Let us wake up to our true power, let if flow like the river.

The song in the video is by:

Loner Deer

“I HOLD YOU”

lyrics:

Take your fears and let them down
Break your chains and live the moment
Drop your weights and hop the mounts
Jump the borders and cross the roads

So, turn off the light and let you lead
Follow your heart and come with me
Watching the stars and our movies
The moon, this place, our memories

Our memories, our memories

So now I hold you on this hill
And I will guide your heart
To be blown away

Don’t be afraid by the new things
Don’t be so shy and talk to people
‘Cause if you stay always at home
You cannot live and feel your soul

So, close your еyes and feel the wind
Warm your heart and grazе your skin
Oh, take my hand and just believe
In time, in fate and all those things

And all those things, and all those things

So now I hold you on this hill
And I will guide your heart
To be blown away
And I will guide your heart
To be blown away (to be blown away)

‘Cause nothing happen if you’re not free
And don’t listen to your mind screaming
That love is key for happiness
In time, in fate and all those things

And all those things, and all those things

So now I hold you on this hill
And I will guide your heart
To be blown away
And I will guide your heart